We, among many thousands of people applied for a loan modification on our home. Circusmstances have changed a lot since we bought it and the result has been that we have had to cash in retirement monies and sell collections to keep up with the payments. Because of lingering and worsening physical conditions as well, we cannot do a buch of little extra jobs to make up the difference.
The difference has come about in two ways...number one, I quit a good job to homeschool my grandson and care for his siblings. I based this first of all, on his need. Secondly, my husband, who is a salesman of advertising specialties, was doing well. His income was increassing on a steady and reliable basis over the last five years. So, it was our desire that I could retire from that job anyway. What better excuse than a grandchild needing you?
But alas! The increasing of my husband's income not only came to a screeching halt, but overall, he is down in sales over last year. It is the economy. Many of his customers are struggling or going out of business. They cannot justify buying gadgets for advertising when they can't even pay their rent. It is not just his delemna...many in his company are down in overall sales this year.
A side business we had hope in, has also fallen prey to the economy. Even though it deals with health issue solutions, many people are struggling so much that they have to even toss those thoughts by the wayside.
So, you turn to your lender for help, right? Keep in mind, that I was with a mortgage company that got bought out and therefore inheirited my current lender. THEY decided not to sell my loan to a government program...what choice did I have? What a nightmare! First, we went to them BEFORE we were seriously late in payments. Trying to work out something that would keep evereyone happy. The thought was, that since we had even tried to find part-time supplemental work, things had not produced that way. This house is older...over forty years...and while in an establish and stable neighborhood, still is not considered prime property. I find it ludicruous that I was not part of choosing my new lender, and they inherited this old house, yet...don't want to work with us.
Oh, they gave us a "loan mod"...one of those that raises your payment and adjusts NOTHING!!!! This house is upside down in value...by a HUGE amount....again, I (we) had nothing to do with that either! This house will NOT bring anywhere CLOSE to the loan value should they sell it at auction. I compared comps in the area and they are down well over $100,000. A short sale would not do much better. so, why is the bank being so stubborn? According to them "we are in this business to make money. If we rewrite loans unnecessarily, it will cost us millions!" Duh! Do they think short sales and auctions will make them more than working with people who want to keep their upside-down loan homes? We did not ask for a reduction in the prinicpal of the loan...just the interest so we can afford it. Apparently, they think we WILL somehow magically be able to continue these now even higher payments...MAKES NO SENSE!
Well, at our ages, we cannot work extra jobs much anyway. We both have physical limitations and challenges. While we continue to work on those, and try hard not to let them get us down too far, we must be realistic enought to admit they exist. But the bank does not seem to care about that either. I will never be able to understand how they figure forcing people to walk away from their homes that they had hoped to make permanent residences, and trying to collect balances due after foreclosures, etc. could possibly make them more money than allowing the person to reduce their payment, but continue to pay the duration of the loan. This would recoup the principal and still make money on the reduced interest. Doesn't that make MUCH more sense???
Do these people even have college educations that are making these decisions? Oh excuse me, even an elementary student could figure that equation!!!!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Integrity...the Lost Art?
Integrity has been defined as "doing the right thing even when no one is watching." I call integrity an "art" because art is supposed to be the expression of our inner feelings. If these two things are true, I think our nation is in serious trouble! We certainly have lost this "art". Could we also be losing our "heart" as a nation?
People disregard the speed limits and then cause a ruckus because there are speed cameras on the highway. We have hired (and paid good money to) professionals to analyze the safest speeds for these streets. While, we may not always agree with the assessment, the law has been declared. Who am I, who has not taken a single class in such topics, to decide I know better than the professionals? And, if I choose to ignore them, why should I not have to face the consequences of the deed?
Surveilance cameras are part of our society. They have your picture captured the moment you walk into Walmart or Walgreens, or most any store these days...and of course, the banks. You can't even drive through without being filmed. Why? Because we have lost the heart of community. Integrity. People change labels to get a cheaper price. They shoplift because they think they can get away with it, or they "need" it or are somehow "entitled" to "it".
Integrity is not just about keeping the "law". Not long ago I gave a clerk at Starbuck's a ten dollor bill. I was in a rush, so I stuffed the change in my purse and went to my appointment. After the appointment, I discovered that she had given me change for a twenty instead of a ten. While I know good people, even Christians, who feel that is just a "blessing", I felt I should return it and expose the error.
I was surprised at the reaction of the manager. At first, he thought I was saying the opposite...that I gave them a twenty and received change for a ten. They wanted to argue that one. It took me a while to convince them I was RETURNING money. He finally checked the till. Yes, ten dollors short! He offered me a free drink, which I declined since I was plenty full. He seemed in shock that I did not just take the money and have great day. But, the clerk would have had to replace it with her own...and possibly loose sleep trying to figure out what she did wrong. AND I would NOT have had a great day. I needed to do the right thing.
It bothered me a bit that the manager was so shocked. I remember as a little girl, that people made special trips to correct change making errors in their favor. Oh, maybe not always for a nickel or penny, but certainly for anything bigger than a quarter! And my dad sent me back in for a penny! People used to be shocked at the thought that someone would NOT return extra money. After all, we are community! Neighbors, Friends!
People seem to think that they can make their own rules. They can drive as fast as they want to. They can ignore tickets because the police can't "prove" anything. They can keep the change and run...never thinking about the person who has to pay for the error. "But it was their error...right?"
They can break the law...steal something..."the store has insurance anyway". They feel empowered to have gotten away with it. It is a joke, not a crime!
Most people I know believe in some form of "karma". I prefer to say "you reap what you sow". Is it any wonder that our economy is in the pits? How can this nation dare to complain about what we don't have and can't have...? We have taken so much. And of all the things missing, Integrity should be one of the most mourned.
People disregard the speed limits and then cause a ruckus because there are speed cameras on the highway. We have hired (and paid good money to) professionals to analyze the safest speeds for these streets. While, we may not always agree with the assessment, the law has been declared. Who am I, who has not taken a single class in such topics, to decide I know better than the professionals? And, if I choose to ignore them, why should I not have to face the consequences of the deed?
Surveilance cameras are part of our society. They have your picture captured the moment you walk into Walmart or Walgreens, or most any store these days...and of course, the banks. You can't even drive through without being filmed. Why? Because we have lost the heart of community. Integrity. People change labels to get a cheaper price. They shoplift because they think they can get away with it, or they "need" it or are somehow "entitled" to "it".
Integrity is not just about keeping the "law". Not long ago I gave a clerk at Starbuck's a ten dollor bill. I was in a rush, so I stuffed the change in my purse and went to my appointment. After the appointment, I discovered that she had given me change for a twenty instead of a ten. While I know good people, even Christians, who feel that is just a "blessing", I felt I should return it and expose the error.
I was surprised at the reaction of the manager. At first, he thought I was saying the opposite...that I gave them a twenty and received change for a ten. They wanted to argue that one. It took me a while to convince them I was RETURNING money. He finally checked the till. Yes, ten dollors short! He offered me a free drink, which I declined since I was plenty full. He seemed in shock that I did not just take the money and have great day. But, the clerk would have had to replace it with her own...and possibly loose sleep trying to figure out what she did wrong. AND I would NOT have had a great day. I needed to do the right thing.
It bothered me a bit that the manager was so shocked. I remember as a little girl, that people made special trips to correct change making errors in their favor. Oh, maybe not always for a nickel or penny, but certainly for anything bigger than a quarter! And my dad sent me back in for a penny! People used to be shocked at the thought that someone would NOT return extra money. After all, we are community! Neighbors, Friends!
People seem to think that they can make their own rules. They can drive as fast as they want to. They can ignore tickets because the police can't "prove" anything. They can keep the change and run...never thinking about the person who has to pay for the error. "But it was their error...right?"
They can break the law...steal something..."the store has insurance anyway". They feel empowered to have gotten away with it. It is a joke, not a crime!
Most people I know believe in some form of "karma". I prefer to say "you reap what you sow". Is it any wonder that our economy is in the pits? How can this nation dare to complain about what we don't have and can't have...? We have taken so much. And of all the things missing, Integrity should be one of the most mourned.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Offenses build fences!
I got "de-friended" on Facebook last week! My step-daughter decided she did not want her father or I to communicate with her. You see, her father discovered a link to a website that he deemed a bit racy in light of the fact that previously SHE had told him she wanted to make changes in her life and had asked him to give input...which he did, gently I might add!
Unfortunately, she took it all wrong and felt judged. My husband is just about the least judgmental person I know. I thought about it a lot. Sometimes I have felt that way myself...I have taken something wrongly that someone with good intentions said and became offended.
While I am not one to run from confrontation, I am not exactly one to give it an open invitation either. Confrontation, I have decided, is a matter of opinions. Over the years, I have learned some things about being offended. It used to be a real issue with me. I discovered it was because I judged myself. And with that, I found there are only three reasons to be offended.
1. They are right, or probably right, with their opinion, and I know it, but don't agree with them. I don't want to deal with being wrong, or to admit it.
2. They are at least partially right, and I know it. I am willing to admit, only to myself, their rightness. But, I am NOT ready to deal with the fact that they are right nor to make any changes in my life or opinions.
3. It doesn't matter whether they are right or not...it DOES matter that I care more about their opinion than I do the truth!
I wish I had learned those principles many years ago, like when I was about my step-daughter's age. But I think I was probably older by the time the revelation dawned.
Being offended is a choice. Learning from another's opinion is a choice. We can evaluate what they say, and decide whether we agree or not. We can disagree and still not let it affect us or change us. We can agree with similar results. That is what maturity is all about. Becoming comfortable with who we are and what we are becoming. Being willing to be accountable for changes we desire to make in our lives and for the opinions we care to share with those around us.
Being offended builds fences. Not fences that make good neighbors, but fences that keep those who love you just out of reach. Those people who tried to share from their life experiences and hoped to make your life better. Those who hurt when you hurt and know the joys of overcoming in their own lives.
I care deeply about my step-daughter. I am sad that she has decided to be offended rather than talk this out or ask for further explanation. I know it is because she has not yet experienced true love, unconditional love that requires growth. The kind of love that comes from God and from accepting yourself as He accepts you. I pray that she will realize that her father was not judging, but simply trying to help her make choices that will truly enhance her life. I pray that the revelation of the love of God will reach beyond those fences into her spirit. In the meantime, there is comfort in knowing that she is young.
I remember those days...
Unfortunately, she took it all wrong and felt judged. My husband is just about the least judgmental person I know. I thought about it a lot. Sometimes I have felt that way myself...I have taken something wrongly that someone with good intentions said and became offended.
While I am not one to run from confrontation, I am not exactly one to give it an open invitation either. Confrontation, I have decided, is a matter of opinions. Over the years, I have learned some things about being offended. It used to be a real issue with me. I discovered it was because I judged myself. And with that, I found there are only three reasons to be offended.
1. They are right, or probably right, with their opinion, and I know it, but don't agree with them. I don't want to deal with being wrong, or to admit it.
2. They are at least partially right, and I know it. I am willing to admit, only to myself, their rightness. But, I am NOT ready to deal with the fact that they are right nor to make any changes in my life or opinions.
3. It doesn't matter whether they are right or not...it DOES matter that I care more about their opinion than I do the truth!
I wish I had learned those principles many years ago, like when I was about my step-daughter's age. But I think I was probably older by the time the revelation dawned.
Being offended is a choice. Learning from another's opinion is a choice. We can evaluate what they say, and decide whether we agree or not. We can disagree and still not let it affect us or change us. We can agree with similar results. That is what maturity is all about. Becoming comfortable with who we are and what we are becoming. Being willing to be accountable for changes we desire to make in our lives and for the opinions we care to share with those around us.
Being offended builds fences. Not fences that make good neighbors, but fences that keep those who love you just out of reach. Those people who tried to share from their life experiences and hoped to make your life better. Those who hurt when you hurt and know the joys of overcoming in their own lives.
I care deeply about my step-daughter. I am sad that she has decided to be offended rather than talk this out or ask for further explanation. I know it is because she has not yet experienced true love, unconditional love that requires growth. The kind of love that comes from God and from accepting yourself as He accepts you. I pray that she will realize that her father was not judging, but simply trying to help her make choices that will truly enhance her life. I pray that the revelation of the love of God will reach beyond those fences into her spirit. In the meantime, there is comfort in knowing that she is young.
I remember those days...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A Lost Potential
Yesterday my daughter went to get an ultrasound for her nine-week pregnancy. It was a pregnancy that had not been announced beyond the grandparents and last night was supposed to be the official announcement. I was excited to be the bearer of good news.
But, when my daughter called, she was nor excited at all. She was sobbing. Apparently the fetus (I choose to call a child) had died two weeks ago. Her body had not yet recognized the death so she continued to have all the symptoms, including morning sickness, etc.
This, after having had a miscarriage just prior to getting pregnant with this child. She is a very sensitive young woman, especially when it comes to having a family. She and her husband want to have several children of their own, and then adopt some in need. He is a doctor...a second year resident doctor right now. They are both people of faith.
She wonders why. She is confused. She thought she had inner peace about this one. I am wondering too. I rarely get confused because I have learned the hard way, that God is smarter than I am and has a much bigger picture of life than I do.
But I wonder...who would this child have been? A precious little girl to delight us with her drama? Would she have danced and written stories and poems and sang beautiful songs? Would this child have been a fantastic boy? Would he have discovered some new device or insect or way to defy gravity? We will not know. Wondering will not do us any good either.
It saddens me greatly to have lost this child. But sadder still are the ones lost every day to choices made by their moms. Unwise lifestyle choices. Fear and panic. I understand why someone would be devastated to find themselves pregnant and too fearful to carry it on. But...what are we losing of our future? ARe we losing the very people who may discover cures for diseases ravaging humankind? Could these children be the discoverers, teachers, heroes that now the world we have to survive without? It makes one wonder...
But, when my daughter called, she was nor excited at all. She was sobbing. Apparently the fetus (I choose to call a child) had died two weeks ago. Her body had not yet recognized the death so she continued to have all the symptoms, including morning sickness, etc.
This, after having had a miscarriage just prior to getting pregnant with this child. She is a very sensitive young woman, especially when it comes to having a family. She and her husband want to have several children of their own, and then adopt some in need. He is a doctor...a second year resident doctor right now. They are both people of faith.
She wonders why. She is confused. She thought she had inner peace about this one. I am wondering too. I rarely get confused because I have learned the hard way, that God is smarter than I am and has a much bigger picture of life than I do.
But I wonder...who would this child have been? A precious little girl to delight us with her drama? Would she have danced and written stories and poems and sang beautiful songs? Would this child have been a fantastic boy? Would he have discovered some new device or insect or way to defy gravity? We will not know. Wondering will not do us any good either.
It saddens me greatly to have lost this child. But sadder still are the ones lost every day to choices made by their moms. Unwise lifestyle choices. Fear and panic. I understand why someone would be devastated to find themselves pregnant and too fearful to carry it on. But...what are we losing of our future? ARe we losing the very people who may discover cures for diseases ravaging humankind? Could these children be the discoverers, teachers, heroes that now the world we have to survive without? It makes one wonder...
Friday, August 14, 2009
It's Great to Be Alive!
Yesterday was my husband's birthday. I told him I was glad that he was born. And I am. And we enjoyed an evening with our family to celebrate.
I recalled that it was only a few years ago that I had the possibility of not experiencing my next birthday. I had a suspicious lump that the doctors said had the possiblities of being a problematic tumor that could result in a serious illness from which few had recovered. It also had the possiblity of being a benign lump, that, though it would require surgery, should result in no complications whatsoever. It was only a few days between understanding the possibilities and receiving the test results that mine was, thankfully, the latter.
But those few days were hard to handle. I thought I was prepared to die. I am comfortable with my relationship with God, at peace with my family, had no "unfinished business" that I could recall. And yet, I was afraid. It was more the fear of not being there for my kids and grandkids, of not having accomplished all that I was meant to, of having lived "unremarkably". Interesting.
My first thoughts were "It's not fair! I am not very old!" And then the thoughts came racing in "Why is it not fair? How many others have died even younger than you?" Wow! It was so true! Why not me? I had already outlived my own birth mother by 10 years! And my favorite cousin, by five. And several of my good friends. And a precious little boy I had known.
Thus began a "ritual" that I do to this day. Perhpas I should not say that it is a daily thing, but I will admit that I do it more days than not. I read the Obituaries. I used to do it occasionally to see if any of the elderly I used to work with were listed. But after those thought disturbed my pity party, I read it more carefully, counting and reading in detail, those that are younger than I. I add a prayer for their families.
Just last week I was shocked at this routine. That may have been just what it had become...a routine. That particular day, there were about 30 names or so in the column with 14 of them being younger than I! (As well as a few without any ages listed at all.) The disturbing part for me, however, was not the number of younger people, but rather that half, yes 50% of them were listed as "if anyone has any information, please call....". This is what the funeral homes post when there is no next of kin to contact. I know this from my previous line of work. How sad! Not only had these people lost their lives at ages younger than I am, but they had lost them alone.
Oh, I know their families all had their reasons for the disconnections. Perhaps it was even the deceased one's request to be estranged from the family. Or maybe they had just disappeared. Addictions and poor life-style choices do that to people. But no one plans to become homeless or disconnected from loved ones. No one is born wanting to be a loner.
Perhaps, for whatever reason, they were just lost souls. Or maybe they were trying to relocate and never made the right connections. Most often, causes of death are not listed...especially for those without connections, in the newspaper notices.
So, I prayed...for the families who will find they do have "unfinished business" to contend with. For friends who wish and wish they had tried harder to help. For the other people with whom these were acquainted. And I prayed that these families and friends would put aside the differences and the potential "cost" worries and do the right thing and make that call...
And I am very glad to be alive!!!
I recalled that it was only a few years ago that I had the possibility of not experiencing my next birthday. I had a suspicious lump that the doctors said had the possiblities of being a problematic tumor that could result in a serious illness from which few had recovered. It also had the possiblity of being a benign lump, that, though it would require surgery, should result in no complications whatsoever. It was only a few days between understanding the possibilities and receiving the test results that mine was, thankfully, the latter.
But those few days were hard to handle. I thought I was prepared to die. I am comfortable with my relationship with God, at peace with my family, had no "unfinished business" that I could recall. And yet, I was afraid. It was more the fear of not being there for my kids and grandkids, of not having accomplished all that I was meant to, of having lived "unremarkably". Interesting.
My first thoughts were "It's not fair! I am not very old!" And then the thoughts came racing in "Why is it not fair? How many others have died even younger than you?" Wow! It was so true! Why not me? I had already outlived my own birth mother by 10 years! And my favorite cousin, by five. And several of my good friends. And a precious little boy I had known.
Thus began a "ritual" that I do to this day. Perhpas I should not say that it is a daily thing, but I will admit that I do it more days than not. I read the Obituaries. I used to do it occasionally to see if any of the elderly I used to work with were listed. But after those thought disturbed my pity party, I read it more carefully, counting and reading in detail, those that are younger than I. I add a prayer for their families.
Just last week I was shocked at this routine. That may have been just what it had become...a routine. That particular day, there were about 30 names or so in the column with 14 of them being younger than I! (As well as a few without any ages listed at all.) The disturbing part for me, however, was not the number of younger people, but rather that half, yes 50% of them were listed as "if anyone has any information, please call....". This is what the funeral homes post when there is no next of kin to contact. I know this from my previous line of work. How sad! Not only had these people lost their lives at ages younger than I am, but they had lost them alone.
Oh, I know their families all had their reasons for the disconnections. Perhaps it was even the deceased one's request to be estranged from the family. Or maybe they had just disappeared. Addictions and poor life-style choices do that to people. But no one plans to become homeless or disconnected from loved ones. No one is born wanting to be a loner.
Perhaps, for whatever reason, they were just lost souls. Or maybe they were trying to relocate and never made the right connections. Most often, causes of death are not listed...especially for those without connections, in the newspaper notices.
So, I prayed...for the families who will find they do have "unfinished business" to contend with. For friends who wish and wish they had tried harder to help. For the other people with whom these were acquainted. And I prayed that these families and friends would put aside the differences and the potential "cost" worries and do the right thing and make that call...
And I am very glad to be alive!!!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
INDEPENDENCE DAY!
IT is a crazy world we live in! People rushing to get where they want to go, sometimes seemingly without concern for other drivers or even pedestrians. People swearing at ATM and self-checkout machines that malfunction...businesses with little to none in the customer service department...
To read the newspapers, one would think that most Americans are self-focused and that the main goal is money...no matter how you get it.
But today, I met with some old friends at a restaraunt. We joined hands and bowed our heads to say grace, something many cannot do in their countries. We talked about our lives, our children and grandchildren, telling jokes and funny stories. We talked about GOD, in a public building where we could have been overheard, yet we were in no danger.
Today we celebrate the Declaration of Independence that brought us freedom to worship as we choose, and to voice opinions and to pursue happiness. This country today is a far cry from what our forefathers had in mind when they signed that document. Their intentions cannot be decided by courts who call themselves "Supreme". It is possible that those very freedoms our forefathers fought for can, and will, be threatned, not by outsiders, but by our own polical system that is hardly "by the people" any more.
However, TODAY we are STILL a FREE nation! We can talk about any topic we choose, and share our beliefs with our children and grandchildren. And so it is TODAY, that I, unashamedly a believer in Jesus Christ, share my Fourth of July poem with you, my friends...
Fourth of July In My Spirit
It’s Fourth of July in my spirit!
The Lord has ignited my soul.
His love is exploding inside me,
As His Spirit is now making me whole!
The fire of His work within me
Is lighting the path through my night;
Bringing joyous expressions of glory,
And helping me walk in His light.
His purpose, to bring independence
From the darkness and clutches of sin,
And releasing my captive soul gently,
To share my freedom in Him!
Explosions of praise to the Savior,
Now escape from down deep in me.
In resounding celebration…
For JESUS is setting me free!
By Charlotte Saben
HAVE A WONDERFUL AND SAFE INDEPENDNECE DAY!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Butterflies and Bean Blossoms!
We have butterflies! It happened yesterday while we were away! Our crysilides birthed their butterflies...three at first, and then two more last night. One hundred percent success!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I Love Life!
I have gone back and forth about using this site. I think I shall continue it from my philosophical and spiritual thoughts. I need to articulate some of these things, but want to save my other blog for homeschooling and Cystic Fibrosis and nanny networking types of comments.
So, here I go! I love my life right now! I love being grandma to six beautiful kids, three of whom I am a nanny for. But all of them are special. I use code names for them online because, unfortunately, there are some not-so-well meaning people out there. I know this seems fairly safe, but they are not actually MY children legally...just grandchildren...so to be on the safe side, I shall use code here as well.
But today I am not revealing codes. Today I want to thank God for my life. Not just as a grandmother, although that is a huge part of who I am. I thank God for my husband. I really didn't think my life would be fun and healthy and happy again, after I faced the terrible no-no (in the Christian world) of divorce nine years ago.
I was riddled with shame and embarrassment even though I maintained the support of my church and entire denomination. Although there were seven ministers involved in the whole ordeal, I still felt hopeless and lost. And terribly ashamed. Then there were the friends who accepted the divorce but thought that I should stay single the rest of my life. Funny thing, so did I. I went through the normal depression, loneliness, and financial challenges of dovorcees. Yet. through it all, I came to know the heart of God in a much deeper way than I had ever before.
I had been on staff at two different churches and held a ministerial license. So, this divorce stuff was a huge deal to me. I appreciate so much the support I got from my church. I still had a teenager at home when it all began...
Then I found myself totally alone...and comfortable with the thought of a new relationship! This came about through lots of prayer and soul-searching! And counsel. It was going to be hard to explain to friends that after 27 years of being married to the man they knew, I was in a new relationship. Some people assumed that my first husband and I would eventually get back together. They knew no facts. They only assumed they knew us. By this time, that was not even a possibility on his end.
Anyway, God shared many things with me through His Word, friends, sermons and speaking directly to my heart. After over three years of being alone, God sent a man from my own church into my life. If I had put on paper all the qualifications I wanted in a man, I might have missed him! But God knew who I needed! He promises to grant us the desires of our hearts AS WE DELIGHT IN HIM! So, when He truly became my delight, God prepared and changed my heart to fit HIS plan. Steve and I were married May 7, 2005 after dating almost two years! I am so totally happy!
I learned to rely on God as a single mom, and a single woman. I learned to lean on His provision and cast all my cares on Him. I learned who I am in HIM! I learned that I need only HIM...and then HE gave me the perfect someone. I am not so naive as to say Steve is perfect. But he is perfect for ME!
And then God, only eight months ago, moved us to another church. This was total change..including denominationally...but I am again in awe...
I love our church! I watched with intrigue recently as the worship team led us...a group made up of people from all walks of life, all ages, all cultures! There is a man from an African nation, several single parents, youth, and an lady in her eighties, representing all cultures and economic circumstances...tall, dressy, casual, plain, etc. There is a youth playing drums and another leading worship with his mother...and playing guitar. Another youth (girl) on another guitar. A bearded short man also with a guitar...an older gentleman playing sax...and a young girl too...and a middle-aged man on a trumpet, and a little younger one on a trombone! We were all worshipping together! We have people with "disabilities" teaching classes. We have older women and men ministering in various capacities, including cleaning the church and assisting with building projects, and manning the nursry. There are youth helping with children's ministry and many other things. Even though it is a larger church, we have made many friends and feel connected in fresh new ways.
I have gotten involved in children's ministry again. And I love it. I would have to say that God certainly knows what He is doing in my life! And I love it! It does have its challenges, but that is what keeps us going!
So, here I go! I love my life right now! I love being grandma to six beautiful kids, three of whom I am a nanny for. But all of them are special. I use code names for them online because, unfortunately, there are some not-so-well meaning people out there. I know this seems fairly safe, but they are not actually MY children legally...just grandchildren...so to be on the safe side, I shall use code here as well.
But today I am not revealing codes. Today I want to thank God for my life. Not just as a grandmother, although that is a huge part of who I am. I thank God for my husband. I really didn't think my life would be fun and healthy and happy again, after I faced the terrible no-no (in the Christian world) of divorce nine years ago.
I was riddled with shame and embarrassment even though I maintained the support of my church and entire denomination. Although there were seven ministers involved in the whole ordeal, I still felt hopeless and lost. And terribly ashamed. Then there were the friends who accepted the divorce but thought that I should stay single the rest of my life. Funny thing, so did I. I went through the normal depression, loneliness, and financial challenges of dovorcees. Yet. through it all, I came to know the heart of God in a much deeper way than I had ever before.
I had been on staff at two different churches and held a ministerial license. So, this divorce stuff was a huge deal to me. I appreciate so much the support I got from my church. I still had a teenager at home when it all began...
Then I found myself totally alone...and comfortable with the thought of a new relationship! This came about through lots of prayer and soul-searching! And counsel. It was going to be hard to explain to friends that after 27 years of being married to the man they knew, I was in a new relationship. Some people assumed that my first husband and I would eventually get back together. They knew no facts. They only assumed they knew us. By this time, that was not even a possibility on his end.
Anyway, God shared many things with me through His Word, friends, sermons and speaking directly to my heart. After over three years of being alone, God sent a man from my own church into my life. If I had put on paper all the qualifications I wanted in a man, I might have missed him! But God knew who I needed! He promises to grant us the desires of our hearts AS WE DELIGHT IN HIM! So, when He truly became my delight, God prepared and changed my heart to fit HIS plan. Steve and I were married May 7, 2005 after dating almost two years! I am so totally happy!
I learned to rely on God as a single mom, and a single woman. I learned to lean on His provision and cast all my cares on Him. I learned who I am in HIM! I learned that I need only HIM...and then HE gave me the perfect someone. I am not so naive as to say Steve is perfect. But he is perfect for ME!
And then God, only eight months ago, moved us to another church. This was total change..including denominationally...but I am again in awe...
I love our church! I watched with intrigue recently as the worship team led us...a group made up of people from all walks of life, all ages, all cultures! There is a man from an African nation, several single parents, youth, and an lady in her eighties, representing all cultures and economic circumstances...tall, dressy, casual, plain, etc. There is a youth playing drums and another leading worship with his mother...and playing guitar. Another youth (girl) on another guitar. A bearded short man also with a guitar...an older gentleman playing sax...and a young girl too...and a middle-aged man on a trumpet, and a little younger one on a trombone! We were all worshipping together! We have people with "disabilities" teaching classes. We have older women and men ministering in various capacities, including cleaning the church and assisting with building projects, and manning the nursry. There are youth helping with children's ministry and many other things. Even though it is a larger church, we have made many friends and feel connected in fresh new ways.
I have gotten involved in children's ministry again. And I love it. I would have to say that God certainly knows what He is doing in my life! And I love it! It does have its challenges, but that is what keeps us going!
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