Offenses build fences!

I got "de-friended" on Facebook last week! My step-daughter decided she did not want her father or I to communicate with her. You see, her father discovered a link to a website that he deemed a bit racy in light of the fact that previously SHE had told him she wanted to make changes in her life and had asked him to give input...which he did, gently I might add!

Unfortunately, she took it all wrong and felt judged. My husband is just about the least judgmental person I know. I thought about it a lot. Sometimes I have felt that way myself...I have taken something wrongly that someone with good intentions said and became offended.

While I am not one to run from confrontation, I am not exactly one to give it an open invitation either. Confrontation, I have decided, is a matter of opinions. Over the years, I have learned some things about being offended. It used to be a real issue with me. I discovered it was because I judged myself. And with that, I found there are only three reasons to be offended.

1. They are right, or probably right, with their opinion, and I know it, but don't agree with them. I don't want to deal with being wrong, or to admit it.

2. They are at least partially right, and I know it. I am willing to admit, only to myself, their rightness. But, I am NOT ready to deal with the fact that they are right nor to make any changes in my life or opinions.

3. It doesn't matter whether they are right or not...it DOES matter that I care more about their opinion than I do the truth!

I wish I had learned those principles many years ago, like when I was about my step-daughter's age. But I think I was probably older by the time the revelation dawned.

Being offended is a choice. Learning from another's opinion is a choice. We can evaluate what they say, and decide whether we agree or not. We can disagree and still not let it affect us or change us. We can agree with similar results. That is what maturity is all about. Becoming comfortable with who we are and what we are becoming. Being willing to be accountable for changes we desire to make in our lives and for the opinions we care to share with those around us.

Being offended builds fences. Not fences that make good neighbors, but fences that keep those who love you just out of reach. Those people who tried to share from their life experiences and hoped to make your life better. Those who hurt when you hurt and know the joys of overcoming in their own lives.

I care deeply about my step-daughter. I am sad that she has decided to be offended rather than talk this out or ask for further explanation. I know it is because she has not yet experienced true love, unconditional love that requires growth. The kind of love that comes from God and from accepting yourself as He accepts you. I pray that she will realize that her father was not judging, but simply trying to help her make choices that will truly enhance her life. I pray that the revelation of the love of God will reach beyond those fences into her spirit. In the meantime, there is comfort in knowing that she is young.

I remember those days...