It's Great to Be Alive!

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. I told him I was glad that he was born. And I am. And we enjoyed an evening with our family to celebrate.

I recalled that it was only a few years ago that I had the possibility of not experiencing my next birthday. I had a suspicious lump that the doctors said had the possiblities of being a problematic tumor that could result in a serious illness from which few had recovered. It also had the possiblity of being a benign lump, that, though it would require surgery, should result in no complications whatsoever. It was only a few days between understanding the possibilities and receiving the test results that mine was, thankfully, the latter.

But those few days were hard to handle. I thought I was prepared to die. I am comfortable with my relationship with God, at peace with my family, had no "unfinished business" that I could recall. And yet, I was afraid. It was more the fear of not being there for my kids and grandkids, of not having accomplished all that I was meant to, of having lived "unremarkably". Interesting.

My first thoughts were "It's not fair! I am not very old!" And then the thoughts came racing in "Why is it not fair? How many others have died even younger than you?" Wow! It was so true! Why not me? I had already outlived my own birth mother by 10 years! And my favorite cousin, by five. And several of my good friends. And a precious little boy I had known.

Thus began a "ritual" that I do to this day. Perhpas I should not say that it is a daily thing, but I will admit that I do it more days than not. I read the Obituaries. I used to do it occasionally to see if any of the elderly I used to work with were listed. But after those thought disturbed my pity party, I read it more carefully, counting and reading in detail, those that are younger than I. I add a prayer for their families.

Just last week I was shocked at this routine. That may have been just what it had become...a routine. That particular day, there were about 30 names or so in the column with 14 of them being younger than I! (As well as a few without any ages listed at all.) The disturbing part for me, however, was not the number of younger people, but rather that half, yes 50% of them were listed as "if anyone has any information, please call....". This is what the funeral homes post when there is no next of kin to contact. I know this from my previous line of work. How sad! Not only had these people lost their lives at ages younger than I am, but they had lost them alone.

Oh, I know their families all had their reasons for the disconnections. Perhaps it was even the deceased one's request to be estranged from the family. Or maybe they had just disappeared. Addictions and poor life-style choices do that to people. But no one plans to become homeless or disconnected from loved ones. No one is born wanting to be a loner.

Perhaps, for whatever reason, they were just lost souls. Or maybe they were trying to relocate and never made the right connections. Most often, causes of death are not listed...especially for those without connections, in the newspaper notices.

So, I prayed...for the families who will find they do have "unfinished business" to contend with. For friends who wish and wish they had tried harder to help. For the other people with whom these were acquainted. And I prayed that these families and friends would put aside the differences and the potential "cost" worries and do the right thing and make that call...

And I am very glad to be alive!!!